Over the past few years, I've started over time and time again. I've moved more times than I even feel comfortable talking about - from state to state, apartment to apartment, job to job. Sometimes I really hate myself for it. At times, shame has led me to move away without telling close friends, to make big decisions without asking for advice, and even to overcompensate and exhaust myself to the point where my health began to suffer. Along the way, I've constantly agonized over questions like "What am I looking for? Will I ever find it?". Every move meant financial strain, every new city meant the anxiety of adjusting to new jobs, routines, and friend groups...the list goes on. It wasn't until I let myself go with the flow that I realized it didn't matter what I was looking for or whether I would ever find it.
Friends, family members, and even therapists helped me sit with the idea that it is okay to follow my intuition, wherever it decides to take me. The walls, timelines, and limitations we create for ourselves are man made. If something isn't working for you, and I mean really working for you, why are you holding on? Things don't have to be outright terrible to feel wrong, either. Whether you feel indifferent or miserable about something is a moot point - if you're anything like me, you landed on this planet for thrill and passion, not mediocrity.
Recently, something in me clicked. I suddenly realized that nothing is permanent. We choose one job or one city over another because that's what felt right at the time, and it was the right thing at the time. Each time we make a big decision, we not only have to trust we made the right choice, but we must also remember that it's okay to change our minds later on. Our opinions, moods, and desires are constantly evolving. There is no way to predict whether something that works for you today will work for you tomorrow, and lately, I've been realizing that this is actually a beautiful thing. If I hadn't changed my mind so much, I wouldn't have as many incredible people in my life. If I hadn't chosen my last job, I wouldn't be so in love with my current job. If I hadn't trusted my intuition when it was telling me to keep searching, I wouldn't be where I am today. Modern day culture has somehow managed to make complacency the norm, and I just won't have it. Things shouldn't be good, they should be great. I'm not saying you shouldn't work on improving situations when things get tough, but don't forget that you always have options, and that you're as free as you allow yourself to be. You may feel stuck, but every single day, hour, and minute is an opportunity to choose anything you want. We're not always running away from something bad, sometimes we're just running towards something better suited for who we have become.